🎙️ Podcast Link 🎙️
🤔 𝐖𝐡𝐲 𝐌𝐞? 🤷♂️ 𝐖𝐡𝐲 𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐌𝐞?
In your career, you’ll regularly hit moments where your confidence doesn’t match everyone else’s.
🤔 “Why Me?”
Someone suggests nominating you for an award – and you think, “No way I’m worthy of that!”
🤷♂️ “Why Not Me?”
You’re convinced you’re ready for a promotion – so you’re shocked when those involved say you’re not quite there.
In today’s #HackingAcademia video, I dive into these two situations, particularly focusing on a few key points:
🛠️ That you won’t always be able to “solve” the situation: nevertheless, how you act is important.
🌐 That you don’t always have the big picture: the person putting you up for something (the Why Me? situation) may know stuff that you don’t; likewise, when knocked back for something you were sure of (the Why Not Me? situation), the individuals involved may know much more of the broader context than you do.
🗣️ The importance of (as calmly as possible in the Why Not Me? situation) explaining that you’re surprised, that you’d been expecting to be suitable because of X, Y, and Z, and asking for feedback as to why they assess the situation differently to you—often this information is best processed later on at leisure, rather than on the spot in the heat of the moment.
🏆 the reassurance that that imposter syndrome / I’m not worthy feeling often exists even after people win the award! It’s very normal…
🚫 The need (in the Why Not Me? situation) to avoid outright threats and shouting matches at all costs: these are often near-irretrievable outcomes from which all parties involved will struggle to recover.
🧩 That the “Why Not Me?” situation will sometimes have an overarching reason for the outcome: when going through the individual details it may feel like none of those in isolation is enough reason or you have a response to, but often it’s about the aggregate.
In a professional workplace there will, on occasion, be situations where someone is very clearly being screwed over (talk to an external objective expert for a second opinion if you suspect this is the case): the vast majority of situations though will be less explicit and often more fuzzy.
If you can keep the process as professional as possible, find out as much as possible, explain your viewpoint as clearly and objectively as possible, you’ll be in a much better situation to (sometimes) resolve the situation directly, but more generally be better prepared (and better informed, both you and the other parties) for the next time it comes up.
#careeradvice #confidence #promotion #awards #fellowships #jobs #feedback #criticism #evaluation #judgement #critical #growth #learning #advice #advising #mentoring
Full Video Notes
In your career you will quite often encounter a situation where your confidence about what is happening is at one of two extremes. The first situation is the why me situation. Someone may have suggested that you apply for a promotion or that you are nominated for an award, and the response or the feeling from your perspective is: “Oh, there’s no way that would be remotely suitable. I’m not worthy of that award. I’m not ready for it. Look at the other amazing people who are up for that award. I have no chance. I shouldn’t be even under consideration.”
The second situation, which is at the opposite end of the confidence spectrum and which often comes up in things like going for promotion, is the why not me situation. This is when you are really keen and really think you’re ready for something or deserving of something, and then you go to progress it and you are very surprised at the apparent lack of support or enthusiasm, or perhaps people not thinking you’re actually ready when you’re really confident that you are and deserve to take that next step up.
Both of these situations will occur reasonably regularly throughout your career, and in today’s video I want to give a few pointers around how these situations arise. I won’t be focusing so much on how to resolve them, but more on how to act appropriately when you’re in them.
The key point I want to start with is simply that you won’t be able to solve all of these situations – at least not immediately. There will be times, for example, when you really think you’re ready for something and no matter what you do or say or how much evidence you bring, it’s just not going to happen. Whether you are fully in the right and being wronged by someone else, or whether you perhaps don’t have the big picture, is to some extent beside the point. It’s how you act, regardless of what that situation is, that is particularly important.
So let’s take the first situation – the why me situation. Someone has suggested you be nominated for an award and your immediate thoughts are: “I don’t deserve that award. I don’t belong in that category of nominees.”
First of all, you should thank the person. Usually these suggestions are not tokenistic. The person who is nominating you really thinks you have a shot and that you are deserving. So take that as a compliment – don’t immediately brush it off, which a lot of people tend to do. Thank them for it and acknowledge that you’re grateful they thought of you.
The second thing to remember is that you do not have the full picture. Often the person nominating you is someone who is more senior, more experienced, and perhaps more well-connected. Maybe they’ve even judged that award in the past. So they are quite likely to have a better perspective on whether you are viable and suitable for nomination than you do yourself.
That said, the person nominating you doesn’t always have as much time to think deeply about your case. So what you can do – and this applies to both extremes – is explain why you’re cautious. Explain your reasons and give some evidence. Then see what they say. A lot of the time, they’ll respond with something like: “I understand all that – but I still think you should definitely give it a crack.”
Sometimes, you’ll also be able to correct some misconceptions they have. You might decide to apply later on, or steer the nomination toward a more appropriate award. For example, some awards are based on cumulative contributions over time, while others are very focused on a single, standout achievement. Depending on your career trajectory, you may be better suited to one or the other.
Also, keep in mind that many people who have won awards like these were surprised themselves. That feeling of surprise is not inconsistent with being a worthy and deserving recipient.
Now moving to the second situation – the why not me situation. This is where you feel you’re absolutely ready for something, but others around you are not as sure. This is very common in the academic promotion process, and I’ve experienced it myself.
The key here is not to force the situation to the point of no return. For example, making outright threats is basically a complete no-go. If you say something like: “If you don’t promote me, I’m leaving” – you’re almost at a point of no return. It’s much more productive to approach the situation constructively.
The best thing you can do is explain that you’re surprised – try to do this calmly, even though it’s hard. Explain why you thought you were ready. Then have a conversation about any concerns or reservations others have. Take on board their feedback – maybe not right in the moment, especially if you’re feeling emotional, but later when you’ve had time to reflect.
One common situation is when there’s an overarching concern that you’re not ready, but no individual reason feels like a strong enough justification. This can be very frustrating. But it’s often the aggregate of many small things – none of which are decisive on their own – that together lead to the outcome. Understanding this can help make sense of an otherwise confusing decision.
The key in both why me and why not me situations is to explain your own perspective and try to understand theirs. You won’t always change the outcome. But you can avoid unnecessary confusion or resentment, and keep relationships intact.
It’s critical that you stay professional and civil – because once you resort to threats or even shouting (which I’ve sadly heard of), you’re in a very bad situation. That responsibility is not all on you – others should also behave appropriately – but staying away from conflict as much as you can is wise.
These situations never go away entirely. I’m more than two decades into my career, and I still experience both extremes. I’m more seasoned now – but why me and why not me moments still happen. They are part of professional life, especially when the stakes are high.
So the goal is not to eliminate them. The goal is to become more effective in how you deal with them – more self-aware, more composed, and ultimately more able to make progress regardless of the outcome.